Rest in peace, Google Assistant.

I did not use you much nor did I use you to your fullest ability. But you served me very well in the four things I would ask you to do: set alarms, set timers for my laundry, set reminders for tasks I'd forget to do later in the day, and check the weather. You would always do these things reliably and swiftly.

Alas, your next-of-kin is a disgrace. I ask it to set a timer or alarm and it says it cannot (then ironically suggests I use you). I ask it to check the weather and it takes a full minute when you could answer in seconds. I ask it to set a reminder and it tells me that it needs full control over all of my data under my Google account. I will not accept that risk.

So rest in peace, Google Assistant. You shall be missed.

Edit after like 20 minutes of searching for an alternative and having trouble setting it up: turns out half the issues come from enabling "Circle to search" in gesture settings. I'll still be looking into alternatives.